Sitting on the Wall
Hey dudes remember when we used to sit on the wall? Well I'm starting to feel like it's a metaphor for my life right now. I look at where I am in life and I feel like I'm still sitting on that wall. Coming to university has really only served as four more years of sitting on the wall. The wall signifies a time of waiting for something to happen. Passing time until it is actually the time to act. To get off the wall and get your fucking hands dirty.
Sometimes I question what I am doing in university. I came here not knowing what I wanted to do and only really did enough to keep myself in University. I am majoring in Theatre Studies and minoring in Math. Am I really doing anything productive or just buying myself time on the wall? My ambition is to be a high school teacher. Now I know it is a different position from where I was in high school, but there I'll be, back in high school. Will I be off the wall or will I just be sitting there for the rest of my life? It kinda sounds like I'll still be sitting there, waiting for something to happen.
How does one get off the wall? I think I could get off the wall, but I know I can't do it by myself. I'm just not sure I'm self-motivated enough. So if you're like me and wanting to hop off the wall, I'm cool with doing it together. I suggest you push me off. It'll take some force though.
Being in your 20's is a whole new kind of angst. Some people can cope. They get jobs and wives and get engaged and start lives, but others like me just don't have a fucking clue. I think I want more, but I have no idea how it's done.
I have never sounded like such a tool in my life. I guess some people get over this in high school. I never worried about it in high school. I just sat on the wall and played along. I figured it would all work itself out. But here I am, feeling like I'm going to be a letdown to the hopeful kid I once was, who thought I would get it all worked out.
Fuck I am going to have to make up for this Post
But it feels good to write it down.
I have to write some fucking piece for acting class. I was thinking about using this idea as a start. Tell me if it totally fucking blows and throw some suggestions at me.
posted by Tristan @ 7:36 PM
3 Comments:
yeah, dude, you might feel pathetic...but imagine re-thinking your path to come back to london, and the wall is gone, and you wonder..."why was it there in the first place?" and "why didnt we question that earlier?"
and you realize that 1 plus 1 doesnt equal 2, it equals 'what the fuck are you talking about?' and success is measured by the size and material of the border that protects you from what isnt you, and home is a rectangular prism designed to make you feel that outside is different. I dont think we were sitting on the wall waiting for the right reason to move,
I think the wall was our stage, and our living room, for us - waiting for the wall to inevitably tumble down, which might get the ball rolling.
Just wait until the aparthied wall falls down. until then, make math funny, and make theatre personal.
i will make you a shirt. you are my favorite size
I understand how you feel. Just know that you will be successful in anything you do and will definately put a smile anyone's face around you. All of us....who were on that walmart wall WILL NOT climb down but fly away. You guys are the greatest. Please turn this into a dramatic piece.
You are a hero of mine.
S.
Dude welcome to your twenty-somethiness. I think this is the plight of our generation... Well, one of them anyway. We have this big cusion between the end of being a kid at, say, 19, and the deadline for becoming an adult and buying Dockers at 30. We're in this big void where we're not really under any immediate pressure to amount to anything, and at the same time, we don't have the governemnt or our parents mandating what we have to do.
Also I think that the education systems and job markets being what they are, we're doomed to feel a lack of direction. We grow up being told that we "can be anything we want if we put our minds to it", and our educations are so general and abstract and theoretical. Trade schools and practical programs suffer from the stigma of being where the slightly less bright kids go; physical talents are given less adademic and social credibility than academic ones, and this is unfortunate. I'm sure you guys all remember the reputation of schools like Thames and Ross in London, but those kids probably aren't up to their armpits in student loans right now, and they probably have cars cars and apartments and the day off after 5 o'clock. What I'm getting at is we suffer from a real lack of direction. It'd be nice if we had skill sets that narrowed our options and focused our attenntions a bit.
We also come from a time and a social setting devoid of institutions like "the family business", or "the family farm", or trades handed down across generations. Not that it doesn't happen nowadays, but it doesn't happen in Oakridge.
Something like a wall really metaphorically lends itself to being a barrier, or representing the line between a the two sides of a choice.
This particular wall is interesting in its placement, between the church and the mall, the old and new religions of our time, but I digress.
I think we had a great adolescence, and the place in question here no doubt played an important part in that. We hung out at that wall in that parking lot and learned and laughed and grew a lot, and really became who we are now through each other's influence.
That wall sheltered us from a lot of shit which could have really change who we were to become. Not by being a physical barrier, but by giving us a place to hang out when we had nowhere else to go and no means to get there, a parking lot that became a big blank slate for our imaginations and intellects, and a perch up on the wall for us to look down on the little slice of the neighbourhood we knew was ours.
Post a Comment
<< Home