You can shove this up your blog and link it

"Icky Thump" by Da White Stripes

2007-05-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

Lyric of the day:

"Well Americans want nothing better to do
Why don't you kick yourself out you're an immigrant too
Who's using who? What should we do?
Well you can't be a pimp and a prostitute too."

I know you listen to music, but do you REALLY listen???

2007-05-03T08:50:00.000-07:00

So not so long ago I was in Toronto hanging out with Mark, eating some good, but not great, Ben & Jerry's ice cream to which we decided to write a letter to them suggesting how they could improve the exciting taste of their Iced Cream.

Mark suggested that we throw on D.A. Pennebaker's documentary film Don't Look Back which follows Bob Dylan on his 1965 British tour. While watching the film I couldn't help but feel like something was missing. Everytime a song came on there wasn't the overlapping sound of my dad's voice singing along to the lyrics.

So I says to Mark I says, "You know what's what Mark? And he's all like 'What the fuck is what Tristan?" So I says back to Mark I says, "When I watched No Direction Home with my Dad he would be singing along to all the songs. He knew all the words. He came from a generation that used to spend a lot of time listening to records. They used to fire up the turntable, get out a sweet pair of headphones and just let go and did some SERIOUS listening."

There have been times where I've walked into the living room and seen my dad sprawled out like a star on the floor, eyes closed and headphones on. I mean this must be a serious spiritual experience. And who better to listen to than Dylan. You'll never really understand where the boomer generation came from if you've never done just what my dad did, or even just sat and read the entire lyrics of "It's ok Ma, I'm only Bleeding."

So Mark and I came to the conclusion that this generation of spiritual headphone listeners needs a revival. We all need to really listen to records we really like and to listen to the records that our parents spent so much of their leisure time enjoying.

I recently broke my headphones and I am a bit of a hypocrite for already not having bought some new ones and leading this movement towards the spiritual listening movement. But that doesn't mean you (who owns headphones) can't lead the way. Try it sometime. And if you like it, tell others about it and to do it. Just give it a try is all I'm sayin'

Douglas Coupland IS a “Souvenir of Canada”

2007-03-23T16:39:00.000-07:00

So this is the film review I did for my Canadian Film class...

What is a Canadian?” This has been debated and left people dumbfounded for so long that it has essentially become a complex philosophical debate. Some of us define ourselves as Canadians by what we are not (ie. Americans!). Some of us define ourselves as hockey playing, beer drinking, Bob and Doug McKenzie type folk. We try to define ourselves as a bi-lingual country, but the average Canadian is definitely not. So who out there can solve this mystery? Should we really be concerned? Well… perhaps we should. It couldn’t hurt right? And who better for the job than…(drum-roll please)… Douglas Coupland! Now you may be saying to yourself, “Who is Douglas Coupland?” Or… you may be saying to yourself, “He’s Canadian?” Or just plain and simply, “Why him? Didn’t he write that Generation X book based in Palm Springs?” Well, yes he is Canadian and yes he has written many books based outside of Canada, and yes, he has lived outside of the country for some time. But in his own words, ‘after being in dozens of other places, now I only want to be here.”
Douglas Coupland has two visually spectacular books called Souvenir of Canada and Souvenir of Canada II and this film is titled and based on those visual art books of lost and current Canadiana. Being born in 1961, he was a child who grew up in a Canada that was trying to get to know itself. In 1967 Douglas was 7 years old and this was a time when, in his words, “Canada went nation crazy!” Montreal hosted Expo ’67 that year which showcased to the world who Canada is to the rest of the world. This time also saw the invention of Ookpik, which are ambiguously native owls made of seal skin. It was “native and new and bi-cultural too” as the song in the background says. Canada also tried to create its own greeting for hello. That word was “Chimo.” Douglas said he himself even used the word. It lasted about three weeks in 1970.
Coupland refers to several things that link us together. The first example he gives are the National Film Board films that used to be shown in every school across the nation. He refers to it as “30 minutes of Soviet-style torture.” These films were used to educate people about the country in an attempt to help us gain a vision of our home and native land. He also refers to being asked to draw the Canadian flag in school and how impossible it was to draw the maple leaf. These are the kind of childhood memories we all share as Canadians and a nostalgia we can all relish in. Perhaps the most distinct icon of our past that Coupland discusses is Terry Fox. Coupland says “he is exceptional, in that he is only Canadian that all Canadians agree on.”
There is one part of Coupland’s which he appears to feel little connection to himself personally but could not avoid is hockey. He starts by saying how we as “Canadian’s think of ourselves as decent, gentle people… but then there is a flip-side to all of us… Hockey!” “It’s in the water.” Nothing excites Douglas’ brother more than a collection of great hockey fights. Coupland jokes to the fact that there is nothing else like hockey fights where you can get away with such barbaric behavior saying, “The internet will pick up the slack, it’s hard for this stuff to compete with beheadings on Al-Jazeera.”
Coupland’s major project in the film is his building of Canada house. He chooses a CMHC home in Vancouver. CMHC (Central Mortgage Housing Corporation) homes were designed by the Canadian government after World War II and the blueprints were given to developers and were built all over the country. Once chosen, he plans to paint the whole house white and fill it with Canadian artifacts, such as those shown in his books. You’ll notice him early on banging the walls, testing it out, because he claims, “I want to get used to the notion that I can treat it like an art supply instead of being really precious about it.” He fills the house with pictures of Terry Fox’s prosthetic leg side-by-side with the Canadarm. He includes wooden couches with flannel coverings, power lines in the garage, Canada geese littering the house, a pin-up of #99, and several pictures from his books framed on the walls.
Perhaps the most interesting and Canadian element of the film is Coupland talking about his family and his upbringing and his own experiences. Part of being a Canadian is not having the same experiences as everyone else. We are so large geographically and there are so many different climates and views from our backyards that we cannot possibly feel a complete connection with someone who lives 2000 kilometres away from us. An important part of being a Canadian is being different from your neighbour and that there is a lifetime of things to see in our vast country alone. There is so much land uninhabited and it is often the goal of many Canadians to make time to drive across the country. Unfortunately it is not easy and takes a lot of time. We are not Holland. We cannot ride a bike across the country in a day.
Coupland remembers his own journey across the country and his connections with nature while hunting with his father and brothers. Coupland gives a glimpse of his relationship with his parents and the struggles he had growing up because his dad did not approve of his choices.
There is not a lot of music in the film, but if you’re at all a fan of recent Canadian indie-rock you will recognize in the opening the delightful sounds of Broken Social Scene. Throughout the movie there are sprinkles of Vancouver’s New Pornographers and original music by New Pornographer and solo artist A.C. Newman.
Coupland never actually gives his audience the answers they are looking for. At the end of his art show he claims to be feeling a pre-mature nostalgia. He knows he is going to be nostalgic about the house and his family and people in his life. It is this feeling that makes us all want to know who we are as Canadians. We want something to look back on and to have felt a part of. The things that bring us together and the things that separate us are what makes us who we are as Canadians but also as individuals. Coupland’s last message is very powerful and heartfelt. “We are the land and the land is us. And that is our closest link. O’Canada.” So now do you think Douglas Coupland is the right person to tackle this infinitely debatable question?

Theatre of Shame

2006-10-29T18:37:00.000-08:00

So my avant-guard theatre professor gave us a take-home midterm that asked us to write a manifesto based on where we thought avant-guard theatre should go. So this is what I came up with.

In the past five years, since 9/11 approximately, our relationship with other human beings and our Earth has changed drastically. We have known about global warming for some time now, in the range of thirty years, and have slowly been making some environmental changes but none too drastic. Things like the Kioto Accord to lower CO and CO2 emissions, and the preservation of natural habitats have failed to launch. We are now approaching a critical time where we will be facing irreversible changes to our Earth that will lead to diminished water resources, diminished land mass and innumerable species of animals and humans alike will dies as a result. Some have claimed that water will become the new oil as a result of these effects. All of these realizations are being hidden away by the media and governments who are far more focused on telling us the current terror level we are at via cell-phone updates, what can cause cancer, and what virus is going to kill you even though you have a better chance of falling off the ladder you’re standing on than getting Sars.
The other realization we have to face is that oil is about to reach its peak in production which means that once that occurs our supply can only go downhill. This means increased political tension and the potential for a nuclear winter goes up. I think now more than ever we have to look to the future and I think this is where Avant-Guard theatre needs to start exploring. I am calling for a Theatre of Shame. What theatre needs to teach us is that we should be ashamed of ourselves as humans. We need to show just how despicable humans can be. There are no heroes in this theatre, everyone in the play represents a piece of human waste. The greatest thing these characters could do for the Earth is die. Audiences need to walk out of the theatre feeling terrible about themselves, because then and only then will people face a critical question: Do you want to see the continuation of the human race or would you prefer to give up and let us destroy the planet and ourselves at the same time. You can be your own personal anti-christ, or you can call for action and play God.
The Earth is a pot that is warming up and getting ready to eventually boil, and we need to decide if we want a future, or if we will just continue watching American Idol and pretend that the world is a wonderful place where an ordinary Sally Smith or Joe Kool can become America’s Next Top Model. Right now we live in a fantasy. People are too busy trying to feel good about their own lives popping Xanax to aid them through life because daddy has a new girlfriend who is your age. No one wants to look at the big picture. No wants to realize that genocide goes on everyday. The rainforests are becoming a massive woodchip pile, and people are dying for a natural resource that should have been replaced by now but isn’t because the people in charge own shares in oil and would go broke otherwise. So the American shells out billions of dollars to fight a war over oil instead of redirecting that money into finding alternate fuel sources. At the same time this is happening, the average western citizen gets upset at the guy who feels aids in Africa isn’t so bad because it keeps the population numbers down. Yet we vote for the guy who puts the leaders in charge of these countries who keep such epidemics going because they support western ideals and interests. We are all hypocrites who deserve nothing more than to see the horrible species that we are from characters on a stage who represent who we have become.
In the past avant-guard theatre has tried to issue manifestos that present new ways of looking at life and changing political structures for the better. However, the majority of people don’t listen. Only a small group of people buy into this life-changing idealism while the majority looks at them like a bunch of crazy people who get naked onstage. Most people in the 21st century laugh when they think about the orgies hippies used to have and the drugs they experimented with. Many of these hippies were once people who wanted revolution, and now they formed the institution (the following sentence was a lyric by Ben Folds in the song, ‘The Ascent of Stan’). The only way people are going to realize their downfall as human beings is to see themselves as the shameful, life-sucking individuals they are who are contributing in many ways to the problem. For example, Canadians are one of the worst countries in the world for wasting energy, we drive SUV’s because it suits our ‘lifestyle’. We also make very bad voting decision and allow our governments to be run by corporate scum. Theatre of Shame is meant to make Americans see why they shouldn’t have voted George W. Bush into the white house and why Canadians shouldn’t have voted Stephen Harper into parliament.
The Theatre of Shame will show people in present situations in which they indulge in media dramatizations and mindless TV, and absorb all the wasteful materials Western culture has for us to splurge on. It will show our hedonistic attitude toward life in which we care only for ourselves and our own personal lives. It will display horrible things that are going on around the world that our media and government hide from us. It will prove that we are the hypocrites that we refuse to see ourselves as.
The theatre of Shame will show future scenarios in which men and women are sent off to war to fight for the oil that makes their tanks move and heats their soup during ground warfare. It will show men and women going off to war to fight for the remaining fresh water resource the Earth has to offer. It will show a world without electricity and fast and convenient modes transportation in which people are forced to live in squander where first world countries become third world nightmares in which biker gangs and mafia control the remaining resources.
Every argument is two-sided. For example, God exists and God doesn’t exist. We can debate this for an infinite amount of time. The theatre of Shame is meant to shake the sheets. Avant-guard theatre has tried so hard to change the world, but perhaps we shouldn’t try and do that anymore. What we need to do is present people with a critical question. How much do they value their lives? Are they willing to change in order to maintain their lives? Is changing the world really worth it?
Suppose humans are just an evolutionary prototype. Perhaps we are a decent model but we are just a prototype and we have not achieved perfection and we are doomed to fail much the way the dinosaurs did. Suppose we are faced with the fact that the tragedy of mankind is the fact that we know we are not what we should be and that we do not deserve a place in the universe that created us. Perhaps it is a tragedy for us to be able to understand our own demise, unlike the dinosaurs whose brains were the size of peanuts.
Perhaps humans are the chosen race. Perhaps we will keep evolving and become better versions of ourselves. Perhaps our competitive nature will allow us to conquer the universe and gain control of it. Perhaps our abilities as nurturers will allow us to aid the universe and keep it beautiful. Perhaps we are eventually doomed, but what better do we have to do with our lives than to ensure that the world is a better place when we leave is than when we were brought into it. Perhaps maintaining life on Earth would be meaningless and a lot of work that we don’t want to do because it would be too much work.
It seems now more than ever that it is clear that the world is not a better place now than the day that I was born. Perhaps there is the occasional thing that has gotten better but it seems that the negatives are outweighing the positives. A history book only presents how we have gotten to where we are today, and usually with a bias towards the positive things we have achieved. We want to be able to pat ourselves on the back, this is our hedonistic nature. But suppose we don’t deserve a pat on the back, and I don’t think we do. Perhaps it will be a relief to people like me when the world blows up and all the ignorant people get their just desserts. Because right now it doesn’t seem like we deserve to continue our way of life. Our way of life is going to be challenged in the near future and no one seems to be prepared for it. No one at our current rate will be prepared for the future.
So I propose that the best way for us to be prepared to face the future is to be presented with scenarios we may have to face. Why is now not the right time to make things right? Why does it take a major crisis for someone to say something? What are we waiting for? Perhaps we just don’t care. And the theatre of shame challenges us to consider what we want out of life. It has taken too long. It is time to get informed. It is time to make your decision. Do you care? Are you willing to change? Choose now: Are you a destructionist or a constructionist?

The United States of Amuurika!!!

2006-09-13T17:40:00.000-07:00

So as you may or may not know I was M.I.A. for the days of Sept. 3 until Sept. 9. During this time, my lovely girlfriend Jessica took me on a very special road trip. The only concrete plans we had were to spend two nights in NYC.

We had no trouble crossing the border as two white people witht he last names Burley and Bradley. New York State was extremely broing to drive through. There were no rest stops with healthy eating alternatives. We ended up trying very hard to be healthy eating at a Sbarro's Pizza joint. It was ok. We were both sceptical about how they cooked the food though.

We got to Keene, New Hampshire at a reasonable time, right before the local liquor barn closed. In New Hampshire you have to buy your Liquor and wine at L.C.B.O. type places, but you can get beer in every grocery store and convenience store. Jess' cell didn't work in New Hampshire because no one uses Bell there (another good reason not to sign up with Bell). So we quickly discovered that the U.S. has next to no pay phones. I eventually met up with Mike outside the Target where I called him from. He had been in Price Chopper buying us some Longhorn beer which is a micro-brewery in Vermont. He was treating me since he usually drinks cheap stong beer, PBR, or malt liquor 40's. Mike was my best friend when we were growing up and it was very exciting to see him again. It was a special moment when we hugged outside that Target.

So we went to a party in Keene that night and played a game called Beirut. It is basically beer pong. You set up 10 beer cups in a triangular formation and disperse 2 beers as evenly between them as you can on either side of a table about 8 feet apart. You could use 3 beers probably if you like. There are two members on each team and two ping pong balls. Each team member throws one ball and tried to get it in the cup. I think you get the gist now. Mike suggested that it is called Beirut because the country has been bombed so many times in the past.

The next day Mike showed us around town and his school, Keene State. The town is very well groomed, much like my genitals. They also filmed Jumanji there. You could not film Jumanji on my genitals though. We also went to the local Wal-mart to find me a very pro American shirt, like something with an eagle and an american flag that says, "These colours don't bleed!" but we had no luck. Mike suggested it was because support for the Iraq war has diminished so much. Mike also took us to his hipster workplace, Armadillo's for a delicious burrito, on the house!! He made mine with steak and chicken! I would have to say I liked it more than Burrito Boys, with a but of bias since I had a personal connection with the burrito Mike made me.

That night we headed to Bentley College in the outskirts of Boston. We stayed with Mike's cousin Matt, whom he knows "wicked well." It was a little weird staying in dorm again but Matt was really accomodating. The only shitty part was watching college football on TV. The next morning we had a very stressful drive to downtown Boston. So many fucking round-a-bouts! Finally we made it to the Mass Pike and were on our way to the prudential centre parking lot. I never realized that so many schools are in that area. Bentley, Boston U.,Boston College, Harvard, M.I.T., and several others. Unfuckingbelievable! Boston is a beautiful city. Definitely world-class. We went on a famous tour there called the Duck tours. They are World War II vehicles that were designed to go on land and water. Originally they were called D.U.K.H.'s I think. We had a really cool guide who was like being with your funny grandpa. The one major highlight was went some crusty old punk walked out into the street to cross during a green light. He stopped, looked at us and while pointing said, "Go back to fucking Canada!" Wow, could you ask for anything better?!?

At the end of the day we went to Fairfield, Connecticut since NYC's metro North goes out there and we could commute from Fairfield. So we entered New York at Grand Central Station and I swear I saw future H.O.F.'er Tom Glavine while Jess was in the washroom. This was my only celebrity siting which was very unfortunate. When we got onto the street we had some culture shock cause we didn't know where the fuck we were. Somehow we made it to our discount hotel which was nice and turned out to be in a wicked location. We then went to Times fucking square which was interesting, we had some kosher delight. We then went to the wax museum and the empire state building. I think we did a good job of raping Manhattan on out trip but were too scared to even get off the subway when we attempted to go to the Bronx Zoo. We spent some time in the lower East Side which the only place in New York that the Vice guide to the city talks about. We did some discount shopping and ate at the best fucking vegetarian restaurant ever! I had the Karin's burger and it was like having an orgasm for the duration of eating it.

Jess and I conqured the subway too. We never took a cab anywhere. We kinda failed at the nightlife though. We spent one night walking broadway cause everything is open till like 2am. We had tried to go to Dangerfield's comedy club but they had a comedy central taping going on and we didn't have tickets to it so that didn't happen. The next night we went to Gatsby's in Soho, which was ok but we left early to try another bar but there was nothing else in the area. We did stumble into china town a bit though. I had a wicked pint at Gatsby's though. It was Magic Hat #9 and it they make it in Vermont too. Fuck I wish I oculd get it here. I also noticed that the only Canadian beer they seem to have down there is La Fin du Monde for some reason. Go figure.

On our last day we went to the Guggenheim which was sweet, there was a Zaha Hadid exhibit going on, I recommend you google her name. We went to Central Park Zoo, Bloomingdale's, and Rockefeller Centre, which had some grass laid out and a huge screen TV showing the U.S. open Tennis Tournament. We ended our trip at a sushi restaurant which made far too big of pieces for people to be able to fit into their mouth in one bite, but it was still damn good.

One thing I am glad for on the trip was now I know areas of New York and can visualize what places described in Vice and any other literature about New York. I also felt very priviledged to have gotten to do something so awesome to end my summer which I owe entirely to Jess.

So that was my trip. I recommend that you too visit the places I went to. They are so fucking worth seeing.

Tristan's All-Time Top Ten Albums to Date

2006-07-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

1. The Stills - Logic Will Break Your Heart
2. Weezer - Pinkerton
3. The Shout Out Louds - Howl Howl Gaff Gaff
4. Brendan Benson - Lapalco
5. Ben Folds - Rockin' The Suburbs
6. Counting Crows - Hard Candy
7. The Streets - Original Pirate Material
8. Ryan Adams - Gold
9. Stars - Set Youself On Fire
10. Cadence Weapon - Cadence Weapon

This was a hard list to make. One of the major factors was whether I owned the CD or not. These are also artists who have put out albums in my lifetime.

Great Albums I own that didn't make the cut:
Jay-Z - Black Album
Saves the Day - Stay What You Are
The rest of Ben Folds' albums
New Amsterdams - Worse for the Wear
Nada Surf - Let Go
Postal Service - Give Up
The White Stripes (all albums)
Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
Blur - Think Tank
Badly Drawn Boy - Have You Fed the Fish Lately?
Belle and Sebastian - The Life Pursuit

NanaNanaNanaNana BATMAN!

2006-07-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

So the next Batman needs a Joker.

Who do you think should play the character?

Jack Nicholson as Joker makes it really intimidating for anyone else to attempt.

I think Steve Carrell would make a good Joker. He has the laugh, the nose, and the slick hair. He also could be very creepy if he wanted to. I think it would stretch him out of his typical roles and I think he would be up to the villain-y challenge.

Remarks? Feedback? Suggestion?

Readers? Where are you?

Nose Neighbours

2006-07-11T08:23:00.000-07:00

Tristan: Hey Mark, do you think the #1 thing preventing the returned popularity of the moustache is that the overwhelming majority of women don't like them? Cause they are cool, just there is a strong resistance from the opposite sex. It has the great power of irony. It makes you looke more manly, but it makes most men look utterly ridiclulous, and that deserves a comeback.

Mark: No, I think the #1 thing holding back the comeback of the moustache is the futher continuation of cunnilingus.

Mark decides to get specific...

Tristan: Yeah that's true. Cause we now live in the age of pubic grooming. Back in the '70s when the moustache was last popular, women were still mostly au naturel. So when when a guy was going down on a woman she couldn't tell the difference between his 'stache and her muff.

So there you have folks. The 'stache just isn't ready for a comeback. It may never get another moment in the sun.

What we know and have no solution to...

2006-07-03T12:48:00.000-07:00

OK, so I was approaced by a Jehovah's Witness on my way hom efrom Jess' last week. She was informing me that the bible states that Terrorism will end. God will not let it continue. From the moment she started talking to me I just wanted to explain my point of view. However, I didn't want to talk to this woman because it would be a waste of my time, so I just stood there and listened to her.

She asked me if I thought terrorism would ever end. I said "I don't know." Which is true, I don't, but what I wanted to say was, "It will end when the government and global think tanks want it to." I wanted to say that what she read to me in the bible did not use the terms terrorism or government or think tank. It did not say when terrorism would end or how. To me what the bible says is strictly subjective. Anyone could read a passage from the bible and interpret it however they want. The bible is a piece of fiction as far as I am concerned.

She did offer me a magazine because I was interested in what it would offer me in terms of understandign further and perhaps getting some clear evidence. As I expected I was disappointed with what I read. The only thing I did learn is that Jehovah's Witnesses believe in non-violent methods of change. They don't believe in violence. I admired this about them in opposition to many religions.

I really wanted to scan the cover of the magazine and post it on my blog but I unfortunately do not have the resources to do so.

So this got me to thinking. The government uses terrorism as a method to make us live in fear and they want us to hate muslims. They want us to be willing to fight wars for them this hatred. However Michael Moore's Ferenheigt 9/11, and films like Why we Fight and The Power of Nightmares are exposing the motives behind recent wars and people are starting to realize that, in the words of Boots Reilly, "War isn't about one land against the next, it's poor people die so the rich cash cheques."

The U.S. is having a hard time getting people to recruit for the army. Hilary Clinton is getting booed by democratic supporters for supporting the Iraq War. If the U.S. tried conscription now, the president would surely be impeached, the country is no longer in support. The general public wants peace.

The government is losing it's psychological battle. These fims and the internet's media coverage are changing people opinions daily.

So what scares me is what length these think tanks will go to. I fear that nuclear war is coming in the not too distant future. These think tanks in the form of government, if not people they will use nukes to fight wars, and I seriously believe it.

And all this bull-shit is over-shadowing the fact that global warming is the biggest crisis we should be facing. One thing I realised from that Jehovah's Witness magazine I read was that people who were in New Orleans prior to the huricane last year were not concerned because they had lived through one of the same magnitude in 1969. The difference with this hurricane which was not the magnitude, was the amount of water that flooded the city.

So be wary of Stephen Harper and the increased military spending. Increased military is the use of our hard earned money to fight wars that represent monitary gain for the people in these think tanks. Military spending rips us off as people. War rips us off as people. They take our money and our lives.

And who gives a fuck about the lowered G.S.T.?

Harper you sly dog....

2006-06-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

Doesn't the arrests in Toronto on 17 suspected terrorists seem a little bit suspicious to you?

Remember when Stephen Harper was campaigning for Prime Minister and he made the claims that he wanted tighter border control and poice with guns in the streets?

People were not willing to accept this at the time, and the other political parties were in disagreement too. Well... after this 'scare' it seems he has gotten his way and these things are taking place.

It is also no coincidence that this took place in Toronto, the largest city in Canada, and the most opposed to a Conservative government. So what do we expect next? How soon will an election be called? Will the people of Toronto begin to believe that it is Stephen Harper that will make them feel safe? Will they change their minds about him?

I watched Global TV's coverage last night and it was all very CNN. It felt like they wanted me to be scared. They even did this segment where they parked a truck out front of Toronto major centres and timed how long it took for anyone to question it. Who cares??

Check out this article:

http://infowars.com/articles/terror/canada_terror_plot_begins_unravel.htm

You don't have to agree with me but do this: Think responsibly.

Jon Stewart recently discussed how New York was no longer recieving money for 'Terror' protection citing it had no major landmarks and was not a threat. Things like the Brooklyn Bridge, Empire State Building, Chrysler Building, and the Empire State Building are not important and New York is not a major American City.

All things well and Tristan

2006-06-05T11:22:00.000-07:00

So here is my list of things that give me enjoyment/pleasure/comfort/positivity/anything:

Toothbrushes
Elephants
Canadian Beer (Independent Breweries)
Alf
Orson Welles
Reebok Pumps
Fierce Animals
Bamboo
Turntables
Dinosaurs
Mel Brooks
Ball Rooms at Chuckie Cheese
Vintage Mini Coopers
Ben Folds
Old houses updated
Animal Crackers
Nibs
Call the Office
Lego (or any type of toy building block)
Fraggle Rock McDonalds Toys (Man I miss those)
Steve Martin
Rural England
Cribbage
Downy Fabric Softener
Mail

Apocalypse Now!

2006-05-31T11:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I've been listening to a lot of Islands and The Unicorns lately (same guys, slightly different sounds) and they're making me feel really good about the end of the world. Listening to them makes me think about how shitty humans have been to this world and I almost feel good about us getting what we deserve. And for some reason I have come to this reality that we aren't going to repair things, and shit is going to hit the fan (have you visualised shit hitting a fan?). And these guys do such a great job of making it almost like a celebration of our retardation. I mean we should all be ashamed but just see the irony in our actions. Humans are parasites, I think we don't belong in the universe, we are some terrible acccident. We are the anti-christ of the universe. However out first challenge is to destroy our our own planet, it takes time people.

So we should love each other because colectively we can destroy the universe, one generation at a time.

I mean I want to be kind to the Earth but it's just not gonna happen. I also want to see people who have really caused damage to get their just desserts for their actions. I mean I don't want to die but I will anyways, and why not see everyone go down with me. We can die collectively.

However, this idea of us all dying just means we lose. The Earth wins again, cause it will recover, and we as a race will not.

So in conclusion I just want to thank Islands and The Unicorns for this sense of enlightenment.

Cheers the end of life as we know it,

You don't deserve a Title

2006-05-25T16:41:00.000-07:00

So in all the time that I have lived here, the only person to visit me has been Scotty. There is something wrong here. What do I have to do to get someone to pay me a visit? Right now my schedule is completely open. The problem is I have very little money, but I figure I need to offer something just to get somebody here.

So I'll feed you, maybe even provide some alcohol. I know a few good places we can go to. I wish there were some shows or something coming up here.

I make a really good teryaki salmon stir fry. I also make some other good things.

If you would seriously consider coming down here, then tell me you're interested, but if you say you will and don't, then don't bother, I don't need you playing with my feelings like that.

Shame on you,

Tristan

Know Your Garbage

2006-05-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

So you know how Vice has the gross jar? Well at my house we have the gross garbage can. One day I was trying to clean up this place (which I did a fuicking good job of all things considered) and I came upon the dreaded garbage can of unbagged garbage from last September. For some reason I was feeling ambitious and decided to empty the receptacle. I came to discover that some brown liquid oozed out and in Guelph you cannot put wet garbage in a clear garbage bag. So I panicked and tried to get it all back in the can, but infortunately the brown juice came spilling out and this stuff had the immense odour of SHIT. Now I know Vice puts some pretty sick shit in their jar, but I get the feeling that this smell can be achieved by any combination of rotting garbage with the right amount of time. Luckily I didn't gag, but it did make feel the need to take a shit. I was also recovering from being sick at the time and was not 100%. I had to shovel much of this garbage back into the container with a shovel. The smell was very overpowering and I seeped into my house which was quite unpleasant. After reclosing the receptacle, I had to come up with some way to get rid of this fly attracting juice. So I went to retrieve the hose, which to my dismay was gone, since it belonged to my former roomate and landlord who moved out. So that sucked. I then went into the house, found a bucked filled it with hot water and dish soap and did a few rounds of splashing and directing it onto the soft gravel part of the driveway. Then I ran back into the house, disgusted with what had happened and a bitter feeling towards my roomates. You know how when you do something around the house that means you are cleaning up after your roomates? I know you do, and you just feel bitter doing it cause you're the unlucky sucker who is responsible? This is when good qualities are a bad thing.

So in conclusion, be an asshole. An inconsiderate Asshole.

Time comes and Goes

2006-05-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

So I haven't written in a long time.

I have not been inspired. Not much has been inspiring. I don't really know what's up with me. I feel like I've been a ghost except to Jess. My days focus around cooking, looking for work and going to my part-time job at Sears when I have to. I have been experiencing some new things like new work and new roomates, but none of it is exciting. All I can think about is making money and coooking. What is up with that? I need my good friends around me. I have friends in Guelph but all I have in common with them is school and living in Guelph and being 21ish. Why does that seem like enough in most cases?

I need the people who made me who I am around me. The friends I have here have not changed me at all. I don't want to get nostalgic, I just want more people around me who inspire me and enrich my life. And this goes waaaay back too. I don't just mean my friends from London, though mainly I do, I recently reconnected with friends I had pre-puberty and I would love a chance to reconnect with them, for better or worse. But I can only connect with you guys through my blog or msn, but I can't get the juices I need from you guys this way. It just doesn't work like that, I need you in front of me, I think the site of you faces and voices are what get the juices flowin'.

I need to read a book or something. I have a few. I've got Naked Pictures of Famous People by Jon Stewart, Shopgirl by Steve Martin. Vice will suffice when they come in the mail, though I'm feeling like all I read in there is lies now, it is still entertaining.

Ryno is in Australia. That's pretty cool. I wish I had the resources to do things like that. I will live vicariously through his experience when he returns though.

I am trying to get a job at a moving company. It will pay $12/hr. which sounds pretty good. I tried to apply for a full-time day camp leader but the e-mail address on the posting was wrong. I think that would have been good. I don't get enough exposure to kids, I feel like I need it, I don't want to forget what being a kid was like.

So I guess I should make some more plans to connect with friends. My job situation is too in the air right now, maybe things will clear up soon.

So the key thing is here, you can give me all the inspiration advice you want about where I can find it, but the fact of the matter is that I find it in my friends, and right now nothing can help that.

So turkey chili it is today, and some lovely tunes. Song of the week: This Day - Sleepy Jackson (itunes understands me, it just randomly played it for me)

I was kinda close to winning the lottery ($14 mill.) and yes i buy a ticket once in a while cause I don't waste my money on coffee and ciggy's like other people, plus i was raised in very resourceful family that was somewhat poor, but didn't show it because we know how to make $40 000/yr. look like $80 000/yr.

Here were my #'s: 02 17 21 25 31 48
The winning #'s: 01 17 24 29 34 46

Send me some e-love, Tristan

The Simpson's didn't get old, you did!

2006-04-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

I don't want anyone talking shit about the Simpson's, you hear me, I'll kick your ass. There will be repercussions.

The Simpson's were my second parents, and they were probably yours too.

The Simpson's were always a prerequisite for being a best-friend of mine, as was the case with Mike Manganiello, Tim Mook Sang, Stephanie Barrett and Christopher Langly. Stephane Kenny, though a good friend, never made it to the next level, his parents would not allow him to watch the Simpson's, claiming they would make him too more like me. After Chris Langley, I stopped needing best friends, I replaced them with girlfriends, though I have many very meaningful relationships otherwise.

Back to the Simpson's, sharing this bond with me meant you were like a sibling since we talked about them like they were our friends who lived faraway and didn't get to see, but when we got together it was the best fucking times ever. Every Monday morning the way to school or first recess was devoted strcitly to discussing the latest episode.

I have pretty much seen every episode. My parents even used to tape the short segments they had on the Tracy Ullman show years ago so I could see them the next day. Ever since I was about 5 they have been my second parents. They have had a great impact on who I am today, and I have been meaning to send Matt Groening a deeply sentimental card in thank you, but that will have to wait.

So now I am independent and don't need these figures in my life, but parents just don't go away, they become more like people who you start to see as the adults you could never see them as before. And the Simpon's are no different. Many have stopped caring about the Simpson's, which is a little disprespectful, you should tune in once and a while, they are still family. Catch up with them will ya?

So have a heart and rekindle that relationship, they are still funny, and you think they have chanhed, but in fact it is you who has changed, afterall,

The Simpon's didn't get old,

YOU DID!!

Brick Walls

2006-03-29T09:26:00.000-08:00

This is what I have written for my piece. Let me know what you think...

Brick walls are very strong structures. They are solid structures that can last longer than your lifetime. But what do we use them for? Often they are little more than a sound barrier. Sometimes they are used to block what is ugly. This particular wall we are going to build today is going in between the beloved commercial outlet mall and the Presbyterian Church. Which side is the ugly side? Why do we want to hide the two sides from each other? Well, I just make the walls. What do I know? So… we’re gonna need a hole so we can lay the concrete base. Here goes nothing.

Digging a hole very violently.

Take that Earth! Now we need to mix and pour the concrete.

Pour and smooth out concrete very calmly.

Now of course we lay the bricks…

Laying bricks.

Isn’t it funny how we make this divide between the church and the mall? It’s like the old place of worship meets the new place of worship, the beloved mall! This wall is going to stay here only for a limited time. Despite its endurance and being a great achievement of man, we value it very little. There will however be a short time in its history where this wall will mean something more. One day some high school kids will adopt this space as an extension their living room. A place they will go to. Always late at night when it is quiet. That way it feels more like their space. Perhaps they will think they are bigger than the wall, that they can outlast it. Perhaps they will see it as a final meeting place, a place they go late at night, have some insightful banter and then take off to their respective homes. Perhaps they go there to kill time, waiting for something to happen, with so much angst for their uncertain futures that they’re just going to sit and wait for their time to come. They will not realize any significance at the time. Eventually they will get cars and make new hang-outs. They will move on. But the wall never leaves them. They’ll find this wall and the waiting and the angst is still inside them. Their lives will have been shaped by the time they spent at that wall.

Well…(looks at watch) it seems that time has come and gone. And I’ve been informed that this wall has to come down. We have a strip mall to build here people!

Tears down the wall violently with a sledge hammer.

My Life In the G

2006-03-27T10:14:00.000-08:00

So my house was sold about a month ago and a bit. Feb. 15th I think. Our new landlord had to bring in an electrician to bring the house up to code. Believe it or not, we still had two pronged outlets in the house. They had to go. Also, w ehad no power in our upstairs washroom, no longer the case, now I have the night light in the bathroom that I always dreamed I would. I'm also hoping the fuse doesn't blow when the microwave is going.

We also told our landlord we'd be willing to do some sprucing to the house. She dropped off a 5 gallon pale of white primer. It wasn't full but it's plenty. We also picked up some paint to do up our living room, we went with Yankee Hotel Foxtrot album cover yellow. The room will be in it's sexual prime once this is done.

Last night I was walking with the lovely Jessica Burley to her house on York Rd. and we did our usually strut over the wooden bridge over the duck-adored Speed River at about 9:30 at night. What made this different than other times were the three cop cars parked at the entrance of the bridge. I guess someone called the cops on some dude who was chillin' on the bridge. So there were three cops surrounding this guy, not the most charming of individuals and being grilled for. I guess this is not unwarranted, Jess and I have been asked the time by a guy unknowingly sitting in the wooden supports atop the bridge. Then asked us not to tell anyone he was up there. Also some shady things have occured at this semi-secluded bridge.

Not a big deal though, I have a black belt in running away just in case.

The weather is looking dandy and my favourite ice cream shop will be open for the summer starting this saturday. Fuck Yeah!

Got my taxes done, $1000+ coming back to this guy.

Had intramural ice hockey finals last night. We were like the 2002(?) Mighty Ducks, making it there on cautious play and amazing goaltending. Unfortunately like the Ducks we came up short losing 2-1.

Living across the street from Benny sure has it benefits.

Need a summer job, looking in Guelph. It might end up being with College Pro who knows.

Calvin, I'm coming to London in approx. two weeks, let me know your schedule.

Liking the weather. The deck should be fully completed soon and the barbeque will hopefully get some propane and some TLC. I want to give that badboy some new coals and a wiping.

Give yourself a treat. I recommend Quaker Soy Crisps barbeque flavour, red rope Licorice, Cheerios mix, rice pudding, or best of fuckin' all ice cream from the Boathouse April 1st! Come on down and join me.

Sitting on the Wall

2006-03-20T19:36:00.000-08:00

Hey dudes remember when we used to sit on the wall? Well I'm starting to feel like it's a metaphor for my life right now. I look at where I am in life and I feel like I'm still sitting on that wall. Coming to university has really only served as four more years of sitting on the wall. The wall signifies a time of waiting for something to happen. Passing time until it is actually the time to act. To get off the wall and get your fucking hands dirty.

Sometimes I question what I am doing in university. I came here not knowing what I wanted to do and only really did enough to keep myself in University. I am majoring in Theatre Studies and minoring in Math. Am I really doing anything productive or just buying myself time on the wall? My ambition is to be a high school teacher. Now I know it is a different position from where I was in high school, but there I'll be, back in high school. Will I be off the wall or will I just be sitting there for the rest of my life? It kinda sounds like I'll still be sitting there, waiting for something to happen.

How does one get off the wall? I think I could get off the wall, but I know I can't do it by myself. I'm just not sure I'm self-motivated enough. So if you're like me and wanting to hop off the wall, I'm cool with doing it together. I suggest you push me off. It'll take some force though.

Being in your 20's is a whole new kind of angst. Some people can cope. They get jobs and wives and get engaged and start lives, but others like me just don't have a fucking clue. I think I want more, but I have no idea how it's done.

I have never sounded like such a tool in my life. I guess some people get over this in high school. I never worried about it in high school. I just sat on the wall and played along. I figured it would all work itself out. But here I am, feeling like I'm going to be a letdown to the hopeful kid I once was, who thought I would get it all worked out.

Fuck I am going to have to make up for this Post

But it feels good to write it down.

I have to write some fucking piece for acting class. I was thinking about using this idea as a start. Tell me if it totally fucking blows and throw some suggestions at me.

Back to school

2006-02-27T20:38:00.000-08:00

This semester sucks. Fuck I can't stand it. Worst semester ever. Why did I take 3 math classes? It gets so pissed off it makes me wanna say... Reading week was so good. I had an amazng time, except when I grabbed the wrong skates and had to put on size 7 skates with my size 10 feet with ingrown bid toenails.

Then Sunday night came and it was all relaxing and everything, but this blanket of anxiety started to appear hanging over my head. This is the shittiest time of year. I have to worry about where I'm going to be living next year. I have to find a job for the summer, I have my taxes to do, and I have the same school that was stressing me out before the break stressing me out once again. It gets me so pissed off it makes me want to say...

Then all this shit makes me stress about my life. I feel so much weight on my shoulders. It's like I have to know what I want to do. I have this plan to be a teacher, but I also want to fuck around and try my luck with something I think is more exciting, like a business, or an acting career, or writing plays or something. How does one achieve these goals? This something I have no clue about. It gets me to pissed off it makes me want to say....

To top it off I had one of those freak out moments that I have 3.5 times a year in which I realize what it means to be mortal and I freak out, my heart beats super fast, and then I my brain is like, "whoa Nelly" try some of these chemicals we produce, and I calm down and fall asleep.

I still have friends though and I still have super girlfriend. But I think my problems lie more within, and sucks. It gets me so pissed off it makes me want to say...

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blogging Blogging Blogging

2006-02-27T20:25:00.000-08:00

Take that ninjas, my new Onitsuka Tigers are allowing me to be become the ultimate fighting machine.

These were a great purchase. Check it out Mark and Brie. I had my eye on these since I saw them in Urban Outfitters the first day I was in Toronto on my reading week. You guys took me to Da Zone which had some nice shoes, but I just couldn't help and not want these ones. Before I Jess and I went to catch the bus, we went back to Urban Outfitters and there they were, still sitting there all brown and leathery with their green and yellow logo signature lines. After waiting forever for the terrible service at that store (i almost gave up) I finally got the right size after asking twice and goddamn they were spiffy. The tag said $110 which I was willing to pay hesitantly, so I decided I would get them. My last new pair of shoes were bought off Mark and they were his pair of Asics. Anyways, I took them to the counter and waited as the sailsperson ignored me and chatted with a co-worker. Then finally she scanned them, and they were a surprising $69.99. That was the best part! It made me forget about the shitty service I received.

Calvin, I miss London and I want to make a trip down some weekend to be named later. So don't go anywhere. I also want a painting, I would make a trip just to get one. Seriously, I have wanted one for a long time.

Scott, I am impressed that you know I live near the Speed River in Guelph. I don't actually live on speed to anyone who misinterpreted Scott's link to my blog. Happy 4 1/2 Birthday dude.

I wish I knew how to put links to other blogs on my blog. I also wish I knew how to post pictures. Maybe someday...

So watch out for me, you will not hear me coming, so you will need your eyes, my new sneakers are perfect for sneaking.

WHAM!!

I don't believe in anything

2006-02-27T20:12:00.000-08:00

I think I don't believe in anything. I think a lot of things, but I wouldn't necessarily say I believe them. I think it might be the fact that I have no interest in believing in anything. I want to be as unbiased as I can. However I do think things, but I can always alter what I think, or think two opposite sides of something.

It's similar to the like/love, dislike/hate, I think the same applies to think/believe. However sometimes I think I love someobe or dislike someone. I try not to hate anyone. I think hate is something I do not want to be associated with. However the word does slip out of my mouth sometimes, I think....

I think there is no truth. Everything is subjective. So never think you have things worked out, because you are trying to believe in that. This is something I think.

I have never been subjected to religion in my life. I am often a fence sitter. The more I know, the less I want to believe in anything. I guess all I can do is be (I think). I do think things though when I have to, it gets me marks on essays. I can't say I believe them. I don't think I am very smart. There is something about me. I think I am balanced. Afterall, I have good balance. I think I do... Maybe I don't...

I think this blog is really boring. It's hard to explain I think.

Challenge: How many times did I say, "I think"

Count them.

My Bathroom

2006-02-27T19:57:00.000-08:00

My bathroom has no working outlets in it. This forces me to keep my excellent Oral-B electric toothbrush in my room.

My bathroom is always dirty. It gets a cleaning every month if it's lucky.

My bathroom is used by four people. It looks like it is used by 20.

Every shower I take is the worst shower of my life. Sometimes it is the pressure. Sometimes it is the temperature. Sometimes it is both. I always have the hot water as high as it goes. It is unpredictable what this temperature will be.

There is a hamster living in my bathroom. His name is Cohen and he is a teddy-bear hamster. I wish I could say he was named after someone cool like Leaonard Cohen, but he is named after Seth Cohen, a fictitious tv character on the O.C. who is kind of cool, but naming a hamster after him is not cool. Poor little Cohen is abandoned. It is not his fault. He has a squeaky hamster wheel. And since he is nocturnal, it keeps light sleepers up at night. I have been tempted to buy the poor guy a plastic one, but I never kind myself in a place where they sell such an item. A few times when I have been drunk I have contemplated plugging the tub and putting him in it. I am curious to see if is claws can grip the tub and if he can escape from it.

The best part of my bathroom is being able to open the window in nice weather and feel like I am showeing outside. If I am lucky, I will catch a glimpse of a squirrel running across the power line. This makes me happy. It reminds me of a time when I was not alive and I assume life was easier then.

Calvin, the last poo I took was pretty big, but it was one of those gross ones that you have to wipe a lot. The weather is very dry and thus my ass is dried out and wiping it a lot is creating a lot of discomofort, at this point I have no plans to apply moisturiser to my pooey, hairy ass.

Valentines Day

2006-02-13T20:49:00.000-08:00

I was asked on the bus by Jessica Burley to be her Valentine. I played hard to get cause I'm so pretty, but I said yes, that was what my heart wanted me to say all along. 'nuff said.

In recap

2006-02-13T20:26:00.000-08:00

I had an idea today for a TV show. The concept is pretty simple, it may bot even sound appealing, but in my head it is. It is a show that would work very well here in Guelph as a university town. It started with this lame university night show on Roger's on a Friday night for fuck's sake, who's gonna watch that. Well apparently I did. And it sucked.

Here's my idea: Now, the simple concept is a show in which two or so hosts go to and tour student houses and meet the people in them. Now, the recpetion I have gotten has been shaky, but there is a lot of potential in this idea. The key element is the hosts. The show has to be entertaining. And I don't meet two hot females necessarily, I mean myself, and someone else. I just need someone to share my vision. I can have great ideas sometimes, I just need someone to squeeze the creative juices out of me. I am not self-sufficent at this most of the time...

There are some stories to be had out there. University students have an interesting life. Living with other people is not easy. But the is a very explorable dynamic about the way a home operates with a bunch of 20-somethings. You also never know what may happen when you go to a students house and the things they'll have to share with you... Anyways, if anyone shares my vision, please contact me futher about this idea...

I presented a monologue today. I was a cop, Max, from Adult Entertainment, in George F. Walker's culmination of plays in Suburban Motel, a series of plays taking place in the same motel room. Max has been stabbed and is explaining to the woman he is cheating on his wife with about the first person he ever killed. I was pretty happy with it. However, it never goes as well when you present it as when you rehearsed it.

Once that was over, I had a pleasant ride home with one Jessica Burley. On this bus ride, I noticed an old woman, and I mean white hair old, get on the bus with, get this, A SCOOTER. And this is one of those ones kids ride around with the large rollerblade wheels. And although there may have been a perfectly logical explanation for this, I almost got a boner from curiosity. I was tempted to give up all my plans just to follow this woman so I could perhaps get the chance to watch her ride that scooter gracefully off into the cold night... man that would be a sight to see... But perhaps it would be better in my head than in reality.

Bought the new Belle and Sebastian CD. My first CD purchase of 2006. Couldn't resist, despite the fact that I will probably not listen to it since it is on my computer and mp3 cd, I needed it to be in my time capsule, the soundtrack of my life, my cd stand, of which I need another one come to think of it but cannot afford. That CD makes me know why I live everyday. That is my endorsement... I also downloaded a few albums, The Subways and Annie. Upon first listens, satisfaction is there, but not to the degree of The Life Pursuit.

Fuck, why did I get a blog, too time consuming, I have early mornings everyday of the week.

Breaking the Seal

2006-02-13T19:44:00.000-08:00

Well isn't this saucy, I have a place to store the words in my brain. More to come, don't lose interest yet. I'm new at this...